Our Journey
About 6 weeks ago, Mark and I found out we were pregnant. Once the shock wore off we were thrilled. In an effort to protect the boys we told very few people. On Tuesday (10 1/2 weeks along) I went on for my first real OB appointment. When the doctor could not find the heartbeat using the doppler she gave me a choice of having an ultrasound or waiting and coming back to try again in a week. I chose the ultrasound. With Mark headed out of town on Wed, we really wanted to be able to tell the boys before he left that they were going to be big brothers (again).
I went to my ultrasound and the tech was very quiet. I finally asked if she saw a heartbeat. She said she couldn’t but she would try transvaginal and see. She also asked me if I had multiples that ran in my family or if I was on fertility drugs. She was asking me this because there were 4 gestational sacs present.
Further examination revealed the same, no heartbeats, no babies. Two of the sacs measured a little over 5 weeks and two measured a little over 6 weeks. There may have been some sort of a yolk sac in the two bigger ones but nothing in the smaller ones. My doctor called them Blighted Ovum, which account for about half of all miscarriages. This is where the egg is fertilized (eggs in my case) and implant in the uterine wall. Then usually because of chromosomal defects the body stops nurturing them and the pregnancy fails.
I was in shock and very sad. Laying on the table I thought about how blessed I was to already have 2 amazing little boys and that many women have miscarriages before they are blessed with children. I was also so thankful that we saved the boys from experiencing this heart break.
So what is to come….a lot of unknown for me. We are going to wait a week and if I don’t miscarry naturally, then we will complete another ultrasound. My doctor did not have any hopes that there would be any changes in the status, I guess that it is part of the routine. Then I can choose to take a pill that will make me miscarry on my own (70-80% effective) or opt to have a D&C. I am not sure what we are going to choose.
I think we are ok. I am very saddened by the loss of this pregnancy and in awe that there was a possibility of having 4 babies. I know that God is walking this journey with me and he may even be carrying me most of the way. I am grieving the loss and because this is a part of who I am now I wanted to share it with you. Mark and I would appreciate prayer as we face an unknown experience. Specifically, for wisdom if we have to make the choice, for comfort with the pain, for our grief and our loss, and for the 4 little angels that are in the hands of God.